The BRO-Athalon Continues

Daddycatcher’s busy week had delayed the posting of his Bromance analysis.  Yet, he hopes that the days of mulling over the details in his head have not dulled the impact of his criticisms.

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Wanting to cash in on the premiere of Real World: Brooklyn, BROdy Jenner starts to get real with the seven remaining bro-mates.  In the emotionally charged second episode of the Daddycatcher-acclaimed Bromance, the Bros find themselves at war with each other and feelings get crushed.

Barney Stinson, Bro Supreme, hangs his head in shame.  No high fives for this bunch this week.

barney

Why?  The Bro Code explains all for you…

ARTICLE 1:  BROS BEFORE HO’S

Poor Chris P.  This was just not his week.  During his one-on-one with BROdy, he manages to stick both feet in his mouth.  When BROdy asks him why he watches The Hills, Chris P. responds with “LC is hot.”  BROdy wonders aloud if Chris just wants to use him to get to Lauren Conrad.  Chris responds with Article 1 – “Bros before ho’s.”  BROdy defends his “ex-lady” and Chris just sits awkwardly wanting to reach for his “margi.”  That’s Bro-speak for margarita!

Chris P.’s awkwardness didn’t just end there.  He got wasted while hanging out with BROdy and Femi at the vodka bar.  As if he didn’t already make a fool of himself, his had to wear some Sultan of BROnei get-up.

sultan

ARTICLE 2:  A BRO IS ALWAYS ENTITLED TO DO SOMETHING STUPID, AS LONG AS THE REST OF HIS BROS ARE ALL DOING IT.

How desperate do the bro-mates want to be friends with BROdy Jenner?  The BRO-Athalon proves that they are willing to go to great lengths to come off like douches to impress a D-list celebrity.

The Lazy BroSlalom – The bro-mates head down a hill in a Lazy Boy retrieving beer, a remote, and a pizza.  The one to reach the finish the fastest wins.  This leg of the competition borrows elements from Articles 117 and 137. (117 – A BRO NEVER WILLINGLY RELINQUISHES POSSESSION OF A REMOTE CONTROL; 137 – WHEN HOSTING, A BRO ORDERS ENOUGH PIZZA FOR ALL HIS BROS.) WINNER: Luke

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Bro Your Boat – The bro-mates create rafts out of blow-up dolls, panties, and bras.  They then have to race across a pool on the makeshift rafts.  Proving that, when left to their own devices, straight boys still can’t figure out how to work a rubber.  WINNER: Luke & Jerred

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Bro-MX – Riding little girlie bikes over barrels to see who lands the farthest seems pretty stupid.  But seeing Femi eat dirt after all the big game talk, amazingly gratifying. WINNER: Alex

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ARTICLE 41:  A BRO NEVER CRIES

Article 41 Bros! Article 41!!!!!

In a shameless attempt to “get real” with BROdy, at least 3 of the potential bro-mates break down into tears.  Yes, tears! The cry-babies: Femi, Chris P., and Jerred!

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Daddycatcher does not want to imply that only women cry.  He feels the need to criticize based on Femi’s incessant need to call Gary and some of the others “female-ish.”

ARTICLE 82:  IF TWO BROS GET INTO A HEATED ARGUMENT OVER SOMETHING AND ONE SAYS SOMETHING OUT OF LINE, THE OTHER SHALL NOT EXPECT HIM TO “TAKE IT BACK” OR “APOLOGIZE” TO MAKE AMENDS. THAT’S INHUMAN.

Femi picks fights with everyone in the house.  He picked one with Chris F. on the way to the Bro-Athalon.  He picked one with Luke after the guys collectively made fun of Femi’s big game talk.  He picked one with Gary, after Gary confessed that he told BROdy to watch out for Femi.  Hence, the “female-ish” comment. 

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But then over bro-burgers, BROdy mediates a reconciliation between the fellas.  It was sweet! So sweet it made Chris P. sick!  Like vomit bag sick!  This is what inhuman things can do to a person!

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ARTICLE 91:  IF A GROUP OF BROS SUSPECT THAT THEIR BRO IS TRYING TO GIVE HIMSELF A NICKNAME, THEY SHALL RALLY TO CALL HIM BY AN ADJACENT YET MORE DEMEANING NICKNAME.

Femi: “I’m a tiger.  I’m a lion.  I’m a predator.”

Oh, Femi!  The more you liken yourself to a predatory animal, the more you become like a unruly puppy who can’t be taught to pee!  I’m a tiger! I’m a lion! I’m an eagle!

Daddycatcher would have sent Femi home instead of poor Chris P.  But BROdy seems to enjoy seeing Femi struggle with the other bro-mates. 

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And the other bro-mates seem to love comparing Femi to the bobble-head dog that is displayed in the pool room.

Next week, BROdy’s ex-lady Lauren Conrad comes in to spice things up!  But Chris P. won’t be there to tell her how hot he think she is.

solong

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