One of the reasons that Daddycatcher loves summer…the bromance between Tim DeKay and Matt Bomer on White Collar!
Archive for the Bromance Category
Will wonders never cease!?!
A rooftop bath with a Bikini-clad woman rub down.
A gator in a tent.
A jacked “bad-ass-biker-dude.”
BROdy, Frankie Delgado, and Sleazy T watching The Soup on Tuesdays. The Soup!?! Daddycatcher is a huge fan of The Soup too, but the boys should be watching How I Met Your Mother to bone up (he he he) on The Bro Code.
Barney is watching you, BROdy! And he’s proud of the Daddycatcher for applying The Bro Code to episode four of Bromance.
ARTICLE 34 – BROS CANNOT MAKE EYE CONTACT DURING A DEVIL’S THREEWAY (two dudes).
During camp fire stories, each of the bro-mates tells a funny hook-up story. But Alex takes the prize for telling a story about meeting a girl who he begins to hook up only to have a male friend of hers want to join in.
ARTICLE 38 – EVEN IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH, A BRO NEVER PUNCHES ANOTHER BRO IN THE GROIN.
BROdy sets up a strength test by pitting the potential Bros against a “bad-ass-biker-dude” named Mario. Whoever lasts the longest in the ring with Mario gets special one-on-one time with BROdy.
Daddycatcher commends all the Bros for getting in the ring with Mario. He would have whined like a little girl, punched Mario in the groin, and headed for the hills.
But seriously, BROdy is just making sure his new Bro will have his back whenever it’s needed. Thus, BROdy is well-versed in ARTICLE 147 – IF A BRO SEES ANOTHER BRO GET INTO A FIGHT, HE IMMEDIATELY HAS HIS BRO’S BACK.
Daddycatcher is pretty sure he’s seen Mario at Rawhide in Chelsea!
Just kidding! Or is he?
ARTICLE 41 – A BRO NEVER CRIES.
Article 41 should not even exist when applied to this cast of reality TV wannabes. They cry at the drop of a hat. And when Dr. Greg, BROdy’s life coach, joins them for a hug-it-out session, the emotions just come flying out. These guys’ tears could save California from another draught.
ARTICLE 96 – BROS SHALL GO CAMPING ONCE A YEAR, OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO START A FIRE
Daddycatcher would never have pegged BROdy Jenner as a camper. Somehow, it elevates his hotness even more so. We’ll debit douche points.
Wait, is that a gator he’s slipping into the bro-mates tents? Award him some douche points.
It looks like it’s a draw on douche points today.
ARTICLE 122 – A BRO IS ALWAYS PSYCHED. ALWAYS.
Gary and Chris looked like the could have cared less about being camping. Luke, Alex and Femi were completely enthralled fishing with BROdy. They just sat off on the sidelines.
Listen, if Daddycatcher can still be psyched four episodes into Bromance (and he’s trying really hard), then Gary and Chris can muster some energy. They need a “Get Psyched” Mix. Barney can help…
Clearly, the “Get Psyched” Mix came a little too late for poor Gary as he was not allowed to get cleaned up by a bikini-clad woman. He was booted out this week. BROdy gave Gary a tender good-bye.
Luke was the winner of the fighting challenge and got to have a nice surf-and-turf dinner with BROdy while the others ate the fish they caught from the lake. Luke seems to be the one to beat.
The third episode of BROdy Jenner’s Bromance pits the bro-mates into competing against each other to come up with the best activity that shows off their individuality.
Did you understand that Femi?
Individuality is defined by Merriam-Webster as “total character peculiar to and distinguishing an individual from others.”
Therefore, getting a tattoo that matches BROdy’s in font, body location, and design doesn’t speak to your individual traits. And you are teeming with plenty of individual flaws traits!
Barney Stinson, the keeper of The Bro Code, watches with absolute horror and intense fascination at the train wreck that is Femi.
ARTICLE 25 – A BRO DOESN’T LET ANOTHER BRO GET A TATTOO, PARTICULARLY A TATTOO OF A GIRL’S NAME
While not a tattoo of a girl, Femi gets his last name tattooed on his side. Just like BROdy’s. Daddycatcher commends the other bro-mates for trying to talk Femi out of getting the tattoo. Femi however has some weird need to be the center of attention of everything.
When the guys approach him, Femi breaks into a tantrum where he reveals he’s been in jail, someone he knows got shot, and he pooped in his pants in the third grade. It was a highly emotional moment that sprung out of nowhere, at least, where the rest of us are concerned.
ARTICLE 58 – A BRO DOESN’T GROW A MUSTACHE.
BROdy, Frankie, and Sleazy T were clearly inspired by the anti-Bro revolutionary, Emiliano Zapata.
BROdy takes the guys to an authentic California Mexican restaurant to binge on his favorite “margis” and reveal who will no longer be in the running for his bromantic affections…
ARTICLE 67 – SHOULD A BRO PICK UP A GUITAR AT A PARTY AND COMMENCE PLAYING, ANOTHER BRO SHALL POINT OUT THAT HE IS A TOOL.
In the activity portion of the episode, Alex decides to create a bro band with BROdy and they rock out in true tool fashion. Nice jacket, Alex. Daddycatcher saw one just like it in the Salvation Army Thrift Store window yesterday.
ARTICLE 102 – A BRO SHALL TAKE GREAT CARE IN SELECTING AND TRAINING HIS WINGMAN.
Chris P. must be pretty sad that he got booted off last week since Lauren Conrad made an appearance to him BROdy find his true bromance.* Lauren sat behind a screen and grimaced as she asked the bro-mates several questions to find out how good of a friend they will be to BROdy. Alex won, but really, it was no contest. All the others gave lame answers.
Seriously, these guys are devoid of any game whatsoever.
*How many takes do you think BROdy did in the opening into when he has to say, “I am trying to find my true bromance.” Daddycatcher is an actor and he gives props to BROdy. He says it with more conviction than Daddycatcher ever could.
ARTICLE 123 – TWO BROS SHALL MAINTAIN AT LEAST A THREE-FOOT RADIUS BETWEEN THEM WHILE DANCING ON THE SAME FLOOR, EVEN WHEN REENACTING THE KNIFE FIGHT FROM “BEAT IT,” WHICH, TWO BROS SHOULDN’T DO ANYWAY, OR AT LEAST NOT VERY OFTEN.
…unless at a gay bar…all bets are off in a gay bar!
The Mexican Fire Squad took aim and shot Jerred out of the competition. And the tears were on the verge of coming out before MTV spoiled it and ran the credits.
Daddycatcher’s busy week had delayed the posting of his Bromance analysis. Yet, he hopes that the days of mulling over the details in his head have not dulled the impact of his criticisms.
Wanting to cash in on the premiere of Real World: Brooklyn, BROdy Jenner starts to get real with the seven remaining bro-mates. In the emotionally charged second episode of the Daddycatcher-acclaimed Bromance, the Bros find themselves at war with each other and feelings get crushed.
Barney Stinson, Bro Supreme, hangs his head in shame. No high fives for this bunch this week.
Why? The Bro Code explains all for you…
ARTICLE 1: BROS BEFORE HO’S
Poor Chris P. This was just not his week. During his one-on-one with BROdy, he manages to stick both feet in his mouth. When BROdy asks him why he watches The Hills, Chris P. responds with “LC is hot.” BROdy wonders aloud if Chris just wants to use him to get to Lauren Conrad. Chris responds with Article 1 – “Bros before ho’s.” BROdy defends his “ex-lady” and Chris just sits awkwardly wanting to reach for his “margi.” That’s Bro-speak for margarita!
Chris P.’s awkwardness didn’t just end there. He got wasted while hanging out with BROdy and Femi at the vodka bar. As if he didn’t already make a fool of himself, his had to wear some Sultan of BROnei get-up.
ARTICLE 2: A BRO IS ALWAYS ENTITLED TO DO SOMETHING STUPID, AS LONG AS THE REST OF HIS BROS ARE ALL DOING IT.
How desperate do the bro-mates want to be friends with BROdy Jenner? The BRO-Athalon proves that they are willing to go to great lengths to come off like douches to impress a D-list celebrity.
The Lazy BroSlalom – The bro-mates head down a hill in a Lazy Boy retrieving beer, a remote, and a pizza. The one to reach the finish the fastest wins. This leg of the competition borrows elements from Articles 117 and 137. (117 – A BRO NEVER WILLINGLY RELINQUISHES POSSESSION OF A REMOTE CONTROL; 137 – WHEN HOSTING, A BRO ORDERS ENOUGH PIZZA FOR ALL HIS BROS.) WINNER: Luke
Bro Your Boat – The bro-mates create rafts out of blow-up dolls, panties, and bras. They then have to race across a pool on the makeshift rafts. Proving that, when left to their own devices, straight boys still can’t figure out how to work a rubber. WINNER: Luke & Jerred
Bro-MX – Riding little girlie bikes over barrels to see who lands the farthest seems pretty stupid. But seeing Femi eat dirt after all the big game talk, amazingly gratifying. WINNER: Alex
ARTICLE 41: A BRO NEVER CRIES
Article 41 Bros! Article 41!!!!!
In a shameless attempt to “get real” with BROdy, at least 3 of the potential bro-mates break down into tears. Yes, tears! The cry-babies: Femi, Chris P., and Jerred!
Daddycatcher does not want to imply that only women cry. He feels the need to criticize based on Femi’s incessant need to call Gary and some of the others “female-ish.”
ARTICLE 82: IF TWO BROS GET INTO A HEATED ARGUMENT OVER SOMETHING AND ONE SAYS SOMETHING OUT OF LINE, THE OTHER SHALL NOT EXPECT HIM TO “TAKE IT BACK” OR “APOLOGIZE” TO MAKE AMENDS. THAT’S INHUMAN.
Femi picks fights with everyone in the house. He picked one with Chris F. on the way to the Bro-Athalon. He picked one with Luke after the guys collectively made fun of Femi’s big game talk. He picked one with Gary, after Gary confessed that he told BROdy to watch out for Femi. Hence, the “female-ish” comment.
But then over bro-burgers, BROdy mediates a reconciliation between the fellas. It was sweet! So sweet it made Chris P. sick! Like vomit bag sick! This is what inhuman things can do to a person!
ARTICLE 91: IF A GROUP OF BROS SUSPECT THAT THEIR BRO IS TRYING TO GIVE HIMSELF A NICKNAME, THEY SHALL RALLY TO CALL HIM BY AN ADJACENT YET MORE DEMEANING NICKNAME.
Femi: “I’m a tiger. I’m a lion. I’m a predator.”
Oh, Femi! The more you liken yourself to a predatory animal, the more you become like a unruly puppy who can’t be taught to pee! I’m a tiger! I’m a lion! I’m an eagle!
Daddycatcher would have sent Femi home instead of poor Chris P. But BROdy seems to enjoy seeing Femi struggle with the other bro-mates.
And the other bro-mates seem to love comparing Femi to the bobble-head dog that is displayed in the pool room.
Next week, BROdy’s ex-lady Lauren Conrad comes in to spice things up! But Chris P. won’t be there to tell her how hot he think she is.
If there was any reason why Daddycatcher should have tried out for BROdy Jenner’s Bromance, it was presented in the visage of gay prospective “bro,” Michael.
Michael floundered so tragically that Daddycatcher cowered in embarrassment for all gay kind. Michael was obsessed with The Hills and thought that the show was going to be a replica of the Lauren Conrad-led reality show.
After seeing the Bro-Mansion, with its frat boy décor, Michael wanted out. He just couldn’t take living in “one big flea market gone retarded.” After committing several sins against “The Bro Code,” he withdrew himself from the frat race.
Now there is no gay on, quite possibly, the gayest show on TV.
Wait, what is that you say?
“Daddycatcher, what is The Bro Code?”
The Bro Code, according to ultimate Bro Barney Stinson, is the internal code of conduct that is regarded by Bros the world over.
And it is Daddycatcher’s job to make sure that BROdy Jenner and his wingmen, Frankie Delgado and Sleazy T, follow the Bro Code in the way the Stinson dynasty would have approved. If Bromance has taught us anything from its premiere episode is that a good Bromosexual is hard to find.
ARTICLE 15 – A BRO NEVER DANCES WITH HIS HANDS ABOVE HIS HEAD
After not being able to score hot chicks to bring to the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie party, Femi decides to insert a break dance into his toast to BROdy. He may not have been scored any girls to attend the party, but his hands never reached for the stratosphere.
ARTICLE 24 – WHEN WEARING A BASEBALL CAP, A BRO MAY POSITION THE BRIM AT EITHER 12 OR 6 O’CLOCK. ALL OTHER ANGLES ARE RESERVED FOR RAPPERS AND THE HANDICAPPED.
Jacob forgoes having to worry about this article by wearing fedoras. Even in the hot tub elimination scene, when he gets sent packing.
ARTICLE 27 – A BRO NEVER REMOVES HIS SHIRT IN FRONT OF OTHER BROS, UNLESS AT A RESORT POOL OR BEACH.
Daddycatcher is assuming that the Bro-Mansion has a pool. If we are observing the articles of the Bro Code, then there is no reason Chris P. should have taken his shirt off at the bar after his toast to BROdy. He should have waited until he got home. That being said, Chris P. can disregard Article 27 anytime he wants!!!
ARTICLE 42 – UPON GREETING ANOTHER BRO, A BRO MAY ENGAGE IN A HIGH FIVE, FIST BUMP, OR BRO HUG, BUT NEVER A FULL EMBRACE.
Lots of love on Bromance. Bro hugs, all around!!! It was during all this show of affection that Daddycatcher thought of that internet sensation, Baitbus. All of these guys are a fist bump in a van away from being gay. And does anyone really do the fist bump besides BROdy, the Obamas, and the ladies of The View?
ARTICLE 52 – A BRO IS NOT REQUIRED TO REMEMBER ANOTHER BRO’S BIRTHDAY
In one strange – and pretty gay – move, Michael gives BROdy a birthday card at the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie party. BROdy is gracious but as the wise Bro himself says later, “A greeting card? At a lingerie party? Really!?!”
See also ARTICLE 8: A BRO NEVER SENDS A GREETING CARD TO ANOTHER BRO.
ARTICLE 56 – A BRO IS REQUIRED TO ALERT ANOTHER BRO IF THE BRO/CHICK RATIO AT A PARTY FALLS BELOW 1:1.
The week’s challenge clearly exhibits understanding of Article 56. Each potential bro-mate has to bring two hot chicks to the Fredericks of Hollywood party. Geeks Gary & Chris F. score big by being the first two men to have their chicks arrive on time. Therefore, the Bro/Chick ratio is 2:1 – with the exception of Chris P. and Femi. Although Chris F. thought he had the hot chick contest in the bag, BROdy picked Luke (and his thick Medford, MA accent) as the winner with two hot blonde roommates.
ARTICLE 63 – A BRO WILL MAKE ANY AND ALL EFFORTS TO PROVIDE HIS BRO WITH PROTECTION.
BROdy invites everyone to his bro-proofed pad and Chris F. wisely asks if they should bring condoms. That is the making of a good bro. BROdy, pay attention to these things!!!
ARTICLE 70 – A BRO WILL DRIVE ANOTHER BRO TO THE AIRPORT OR PICK HIM UP, BUT NEVER BOTH FOR THE SAME TRIP. HE IS NOT EXPECTED TO BE ON TIME, HELP WITH LUGGAGE, OR INQUIRE ABOUT HIS BRO’S TRIP OR GENERAL WELL-BEING.
When gay loser Michael leaves the show, BROdy offers him a ride to the airport. In a sign that BROdy might rival Barney Stinson as the ultimate Bro, BROdy helps Michael with his luggage. Oh BROdy!!!
ARTICLE 81 – A BRO LEAVES THE TOILET SEAT UP FOR HIS BROS.
The Can-fessional. That’s all…
ARTICLE 86 – WHEN A BRO MEETS A CHICK, HE SHALL ENDEAVOR TO FIND OUT WHERE SHE FITS ON THE HOT/CRAZY SCALE BEFORE PURSUING HER.
Daddycatcher did not see any of the bromies check out for crazies among the hot chicks. However, if you’re inviting random girls to a party just to get bromantical with BROdy Jenner – who really is the crazy one here!?!